Thoughts by Emily

In a Major Funk: Battling Crankiness, PMS, Weight, Finances and Parenthood

I am going to give you fair warning now that I am super cranky today, and you may want to step away from the computer before reading my post. Or perhaps you will find that you are experiencing some of the same things as me. I am in such a major funk right now, battling crankiness, PMS, weight, finances and parenthood. I am so unbelievably ornery and negative today that you might be better off to step away. lol

I am not a depressive type of person, but boy have I been battling something dark lately. I just feel like there are so many huge balls flying at me right now and that something has got to give so I can see a little bit of light. Do you ever feel like that? Of course there are some good things in my life right now and I need to count my blessings, but some days, I just want to wallow. I also know that some people are experiencing more heartache and trials than what mine might be, but right now – my trials seem very real to me despite all of this. I just feel so extremely cranky today and desperately want some good news. I have never struggled with PMS and that could be my case right now, but why now? I am getting closer to 30 and that could have something to do with it, but I have always been pretty mild during “THAT” time of the month. I sure hope this isn’t a new pattern that is starting because I wouldn’t be able to handle myself like THIS every month.

I am feeling incredibly fat and frumpy and desperately want the weight to come off. A lot of why I feel so down on myself is because in the past, I have worked VERY hard to drop weight and be more fit. I got down to my lowest a little over a year ago, only to gain it all back. I have put on a good 25 pounds in the past year – most of which are stress related and stress eating, I’m sure. I just REALLY want to get back down, fit in my cute clothes, and feel good about myself.

Being a single parent during the week can be so rough! Just knowing that that person is not going to come home at the end of the day, and give a little bit of reprieve, is a royal downer. I know my husband is working  very hard to get through his schooling so he can come home and provide for us in a year, but this is just going on too long! Hubby has been commuting to school for the past two years, where he only comes home on the weekends, and I’m so over it!  I feel like if I had him around, then maybe I would allow myself the luxury to workout and take better care of myself – and stop eating so dang much!

Then there are finances. I’m sure you’ve all been there. I have been the sole provider for my family for the past two-three years, and it is hard! Just having the stress of knowing that the weight of all of the bills and everything, is on my shoulders, is just more than I can handle sometimes. To top it off, a couple of weeks ago we found out that hubby’s tuition is increasing yet again! Come this Fall, hubby’s tuition will have increased by $1900 PER QUARTER, since he started school two years ago. Student loans have not increased, and subsidized loans are completely going away, so that means that I have $633 LESS to live off of PER MONTH, when money was already tight. My income fluctuates every single month so it’s stressful. I’m sure some of you are there or have been there, so maybe we can sympathize with one another, or try to build each other up. Then of course there is my car which is falling apart. It has at least 7 repairs that need to be done on it right now, and I’m to the point where it would almost be nice for it to be totaled, but we don’t want to wish that of course! And here I thought Toyotas were supposed to last forever! Mine feels like a lemon.

And then there is parenthood. Isn’t that always a battle? I want to teach my kids right, and be proud to know I have done a good job, but with everything else going on, I feel like an awful mother. Losing my daughter in the grocery store a couple of weeks ago didn’t help my self esteem any. The fact that my house always seems to be trashed just makes me feel lousier. The weekend comes and goes too fast, and between hubby trying to get yard work done and squeeze in playtime with the kids, and a little studying, there just isn’t enough time for much else.

I really don’t want to be a “Debbie Downer”, but sometimes enough is enough. My circumstances are not going to change anytime soon, so I guess I better just change my attitude. Without being too harsh on me today (cause I can’t handle any meanness right now), do you have any suggestions for me? I want to be happier, and I do have my NYC trip next week, which will be super nice, but it’s also a stress, because there is lots to do before I go. Sigh – isn’t life just rough sometimes? End of rant….

About the author

Emily Buys

16 Comments

  • Sorry you’re feeling so down. I think we’ve all been there, even if it’s not the same exact situations. Happiness depends on circumstances, but true joy comes from God and never runs out. I hope you can find true joy through all of this. 🙂

  • I went through and read your post, then right under it was related post and the first one was Fight the negative thoughts and Be Content with you!! That blog may be unrelated but the title says it all. We all have good days and bad, Life is Hard!!! Having the world on your shoulders can’t be easy!!! Just take a warm bath tonight and relax!!! Sometimes you just need to take some time for yourself to get renewed.

  • Thinking of you Girly!!! Get an early night for once because whatever u have going on can wait for the morning! You will be more productive and ready to cope wt it all after a good nights rest anyways!

    If you are looking for some other advice though… I was actually recently feeling that way a lot!!! I’m usually pretty upbeat, but everything was getting to me, and I felt like it was more then just feeling a bit blue. I was gaining weight like crazy despite my hard efforts to diet And excersise hard. I was constantly tierd but also feeling run down and always on the verge l
    Of being sick. I also had unusually rough pms symptoms and was feeling like I had some kind of

  • Sorry, I think my post was too long! Anyways the final thing that set me off was I was having cravings for beef (which I normally don’t love). I spent some time on google and found all of those symptoms to a b-12 deficiency. I have been taking a b-12 supplement and I feel tons better!!! Maybe it’s just psyco symatic, but hey… It’s something!!’ I feel like I have my old energy and enthusiasm back, weight loss is still iffy but I’m hoping it helps that too! But just getting rid of that worn down feeling makes me feel much better

  • Like wise. Not trying to compare issues. I myself feel a great deal of pressure from time to time living with my mother and sister and having to work with each other. Today, I had to indulge, much like other times, in sweets just to appease my mother. I’m already over weight and feeling fat but I put my cares aside to ensure that my mom felt that much better. Also, with my sister I took time out of my day to make sure she was alright. All in all, I got what I wanted from my family, the respect that I am able to handle situations. As for your husband, I’m sure you and him can work on ways to communicate to make you not feel so lonely at times.

    It’s funny you mention that exercising together is a great motivation tool, and it is. I intend to have my wife (I don’t have one at the moment, but I’m working on it) to exercise with me. I would of course be sure that she loves her body first so we wouldn’t be concerned with self image but rather our health.

    Fitting into clothes I like is motivation for me, right now, as well as health. I’m not a fan of looking thin or skinny, just not having that ugly fat feeling all the time. And I’m sure I’ll have it no matter what size but at least I know that I still care.

    But other than that, you’re doing great.

  • You sound like you’re doing pretty great too William – great son and brother. Just try to take a little more time taking care of you. It’s great to be concerned with others, as it keeps us grounded, but we can’t let ourselves go either. Thank you for your kind words.

  • I’m so sorry. I have felt like that sometimes too. If you go to a church maybe they have a Mothers group you could go to for fellowship & support (& prayer). I think they probably have free childcare too. Also, just remember this too shall pass. And don’t be too hard on yourself, who cares if your house is messy, just do what you can. Things will get better. I’ll be praying for you.

  • Leanne mentioned B-12. It is a great vitamin that helps your brain to run a LOT smoother. It has been used to treat depression and alcoholism. I know how you feel with the single parenting issues. Must be hard to enjoy the weekends when you do have hubby around but there too many things that you want/need to get done with his help. I am a single mom of 3 girls aged 7, 5, and 2. Fat and frumpy and grumpy and sometimes downright ANGRY is me most of the time. There are times when I have even thought about taking my ex back just because even lame help is better than no help at all. One more year….you can do it!

  • you have to find some kind of reprieve for yourself; if only for a few moments each day. we all go through the same; pray, pray and stay positive. it’ll all be over after a while. in my prayers!!:)

  • oh honey we’ve all been there. Just feel what you’re feeling. Think of it as a cloud, its sitting there, stalled, until it passes. Just because you are feeling down doesn’t mean you have to “cheer up” or “snap out of it”…. all of it is part of the human equation………just FEEL them and they will pass. HTH

  • oh and just because you lost track of your child doesn’t make you a bad mother. Not caring about losing track of your child does.

  • I feel your pain on this. My family has been going through a very rough patch as well. We are self employed and for a year my husband worked out of state. When he came home all he wanted to do was sleep because between working and driving he only slept a couple hours each night. We recently lost all of the accounts we had which meant that we also lost our home because we could not afford the rent. We are currently living with my parents and have been here since June 11th. My parents live well over an hour away from where we were living so our oldest son is staying with close family friends so he could keep his job. My husband is working again but being self employed we are only paid once a month. The money is coming, but very very slowly. Now school is getting ready to start and I am facing my daughter going to stay with family friends so that she can start school off in her regular high school to stay on track with her path that she started last year. My youngest is very upset that he will have to start school down here and is not being cooperative at all. The husband is working in the state but is working where we used to live so that takes a bit of travel time and lack of sleep. The whole situation has been really hard on our family but I try to keep in mind that God will never give us more than we can handle and tht everything happens for a reason. Since we have been staying with my parents I have been able to care for my mother who has multiple health issues and am starting to get her back on track with her medications. My oldest has had to learn more responsibility as he will be turning 18 in a few days and starting his senior year of high school. My daughter and ihave gotten to reconnect with some old friends from our home town. It is hard but I know that this too shall pass. We will hopefully be back at “home” in our town in a couple of months and our family will be back together again. Until then I just have to keep reminding myself that it will get better. Some days are worse than others ani just sit and cry because I miss home and sometimes I thank God that I am here for my mom. Keep your chin up. This too shall pass.

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