Family Thoughts by Emily

Dating After Divorce: The Good, The Bad and The Ugly – Meet the Guys!

Dating After Divorce The Good, The Bad and The Ugly - Meet the Men

Now that my divorce is final I’ve decided to do the brave thing and put myself out there again. I hadn’t dated anyone new in over 12 years so it was a bit scary, as you can imagine. I began by putting myself on an online dating website, and then attending some singles activities in my area. Then there is the whole Tinder thing. Oh my! There are a couple of websites where people of my same religion can meet and get to know one another. Not sure it’s the way to go or not. You’ll see why…

I have found dating to be quite the interesting experience, and thought I’d share some of it with all of you because let’s face it, some of it is pretty darn funny, while parts are downright frightening and discouraging. Hence the title of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly when it comes to dating after divorce. I’d say it is two parts bad and ugly and one part good. 

Let me give you a rundown of the men I’ve been out with. Perhaps you can even comment and help me come up with nicknames for each of them. 😉

First there is the guy who was there for me at the beginning. Some may refer to him as the rebound guy, but I like to refer to him as the healing guy – in most aspects. Very understanding, non-judgmental (when it felt like most everyone else in my life was in one way or another), he made me laugh, smile, cry, etc. He was there to give me advice when I struggled with the divorce or my ex, or even my children with our new situation. He helped me feel desirable when I hadn’t in so long. One thing I am extremely grateful for with this man is that he brought the music back out in me. After I met him, I began playing the piano again – almost daily! I fell back in love with it, and even bought me a nice new piano after the divorce was final. This man taught me how to stand up for myself and take care of me! Because my life was still in turmoil and change, it brought strain to this new relationship so we would fight. He was overly hard on my at times, and probably vice versa. Very different personalities and coping strategies. We definitely had our bumps. He also had a difficult time getting over the fact that I had 4 kids. It didn’t help that they didn’t warm up to him right away. This may be a regular battle I face, but they’re mine, I love ’em, and they’re not going anywhere. I realize I am painting a prettier picture here than what this guy really had to offer. Let’s just say he also had some addictions I would never be able to live with. While he may not be the guy for me, I will always be grateful for the role he played as I went through my divorce.

So far things don’t sound too bad, right? It gets better (or worse rather)….

Then there is the guy I met, whose divorce wasn’t final. I get putting yourself out there beforehand because you feel ready for love again, but there are so many issues that still need tending to. We hit it off right away. Went to movies all the time, had great conversations and chemistry. Then his divorce got really messy. Custody battles, finance struggles, etc. Some say his ex-wife was downright crazy, and I tend to think they may be right. Because his life was literally a mess, he started to pull away, not respond to texts, etc. We decided to just stay in the friend zone, at least until his life settled. But then I began to question whether or not he knew what being a friend meant. I’m inclined to think he didn’t. Relationship became very one-sided, or so it felt. I helped him throw one awesome birthday party for his son (cake and everything), got him birthday presents, etc. I was always checking in on how he was coping, but most everything became about him. I’m understanding of his struggles, but really? I deserve better. I guess that’s what happens when one puts themselves out there before they’re ready. Perhaps I was his rebound – who knows. Lesson learned!

Okay, because this post is getting long – I shall wrap up, let you get a feel for these two guys, and then fill you in on the rest later. It gets good, so stay tuned! You can read more about life after divorce here.

Let’s hear your comments. Either of these guys the guy for me? Have a nickname for them, so we can decipher between them later? 

Want to meet more of the guys? My next post is up HERE.

About the author

Emily Buys


  • I would say neither are for you! I have been in your position before and I totally know what you are going through. My only advice for you , that I wish someone had told me before, take your time and have fun! I would say the first guy was really rebound guy and I am not so sure about the second guy. Sounds like he still has a whole lot going on with his soon to be ex wife. I wish you lots and lots of luck!!

  • That has to be hard for the kids warm up to new people. Take your time and really get to know everything about these guys and try not to give them the benefit of the doubt.

  • Oh my Emily!! I’m sitting here laughing to myself because I was in your same shoes 11 yrs ago…and I had 3 kids!! I would call the 1st guy “Mr. Cuddles”, for obvious reasons….but the 2nd? The name I’m thinking isn’t appropriate, because it’s the same name I’d called my ex husband….everything, in every sense of the word, was about HIM!! So, with that being said, “Mr Selfie” since it’s all about him!

    But, my experience, after 20 yrs & 3 children later…I had no clue what to expect of the dating world. I was more traditional & just went about my life because I sure wasn’t in a hurry to bring a man into my life or my children’s because looking back, that was a scary experience!! Lolol! It was almost 2 yrs before I met a man & was able to earn my trust….and the irony of my story is that he was living right next door to me the whole time 🙂 He accepted me for who I am, and opened his home to my 3 children with open arms! Emily, you will find the one for you…God knows your needs & will guide you in the right direction:) But……..I’m still looking forward to hearing about the other experiences you’re having!! You go girl….but be careful!! 🙂

  • I grew up with a single mom. She never introduced me to anyone she was casually dating nor did they ever come to our home. I appreciated that a lot. When you meet someone you share chemistry with, I suggest a get together and invite your closest bestie girlfriends. (for review). Bestie’s will be brutally honest. (love that). See the persons you date in multiple moods, places/settings. There is definitely plenty of time to have a meet and mingle with the 4reds and the date. Hm … names for guys I’d say:

    Mr. First_Outta_Theblocks. and #2 Mr. Separated_With_2muchbaggage. No divorce decree, not enough time to mourn the loss of his own marriage. (crazy chick or not imo there is always, his side, her side and the truth!! Your heart was in the right place, but it sounded like with #2 ex. you were trying to apply a band-aid to Niagara Falls. O_O Chalk it up as not failure, but to experience. I’m super glad you began playing the piano again. (Yep,) 😉

  • I applaud you for getting back out into the dating world! When I got divorced, I hadn’t been on a date since Ronald Reagan was president! I was clueless, but I dove into the dating pool. When you start dating again, you’re going to get the Good, the Bad and the Ugly. That’s just the way it goes. But it’s fun–and I am living proof that you can find love again after a divorce. I learned alot and I had a lot of fun, so I decided to write a book about my experiences. For women, my book finally answers the question, “What the hell is he thinking?” I held nothing back. In “Confessions of a Middle-Aged Babe Magnet” I tell what it’s really like to be a post-divorce single man looking for the last love of his life. Thankfully, I can now report that I am happily married. So dating after divorce is worth it if you keep a positive attitude!

  • I’ve been divorced for about 3 yrs now..was married for twenty years..married at 18 ( dumb) lol..Tried online dating not much luck.My daughter graduates from High School in June. Going away to college.. 🙁 I don’t know where to start I guess. Hard to find a good guy who doesn’t lie or least in my cases. I’m so glad to hear the stories above turned out well.

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