Now that my divorce is final and we were finally able to reach a divorce settlement, I’ve decided to do the brave thing and put myself out there again. I hadn’t dated anyone new in over 12 years so it was a bit scary, as you can imagine. I began by putting myself on an online dating website, and then attending some singles activities in my area. Then there is the whole Tinder thing. Oh my! There are a couple of websites where people of my same religion can meet and get to know one another. Not sure it’s the way to go or not. You’ll see why…
I have found dating to be quite the interesting experience, and thought I’d share some of it with all of you because let’s face it, some of it is pretty darn funny, while parts are downright frightening and discouraging. Hence the title of The Good, The Bad and The Ugly when it comes to dating after divorce. I’d say it is two parts bad and ugly and one part good.
Let me give you a rundown of the men I’ve been out with. Perhaps you can even comment and help me come up with nicknames for each of them. 😉
First there is the guy who was there for me at the beginning. Some may refer to him as the rebound guy, but I like to refer to him as the healing guy – in most aspects. Very understanding, non-judgmental (when it felt like most everyone else in my life was in one way or another), he made me laugh, smile, cry, etc. He was there to give me advice when I struggled with the divorce or my ex, or even my children with our new situation. He helped me feel desirable when I hadn’t in so long. One thing I am extremely grateful for with this man is that he brought the music back out in me. After I met him, I began playing the piano again – almost daily! I fell back in love with it, and even bought me a nice new piano after the divorce was final. This man taught me how to stand up for myself and take care of me! Because my life was still in turmoil and change, it brought strain to this new relationship so we would fight. He was overly hard on my at times, and probably vice versa. Very different personalities and coping strategies. We definitely had our bumps. He also had a difficult time getting over the fact that I had 4 kids. It didn’t help that they didn’t warm up to him right away. This may be a regular battle I face, but they’re mine, I love ’em, and they’re not going anywhere. I realize I am painting a prettier picture here than what this guy really had to offer. Let’s just say he also had some addictions I would never be able to live with. While he may not be the guy for me, I will always be grateful for the role he played as I went through my divorce.
So far things don’t sound too bad, right? It gets better (or worse rather)….
Then there is the guy I met, whose divorce wasn’t final. I get putting yourself out there beforehand because you feel ready for love again, but there are so many issues that still need tending to. We hit it off right away. Went to movies all the time, had great conversations and chemistry. Then his divorce got really messy. Custody battles with his divorce lawyer, finance struggles, etc. Some say his ex-wife was downright crazy, and I tend to think they may be right. Because his life was literally a mess, he started to pull away, not respond to texts, etc. We decided to just stay in the friend zone, at least until his life settled. But then I began to question whether or not he knew what being a friend meant. I’m inclined to think he didn’t. Relationship became very one-sided, or so it felt. I helped him throw one awesome birthday party for his son (cake and everything), got him birthday presents, etc. I was always checking in on how he was coping, but most everything became about him. I’m understanding of his struggles, but really? I deserve better. I guess that’s what happens when one puts themselves out there before they’re ready. Perhaps I was his rebound – who knows. Lesson learned!
Okay, because this post is getting long – I shall wrap up, let you get a feel for these two guys, and then fill you in on the rest later. It gets good, so stay tuned! You can read more about life after divorce here.
Let’s hear your comments. Either of these guys the guy for me? Have a nickname for them, so we can decipher between them later?
Want to meet more of the guys? My next post is up HERE.