I’m going to embark on something that could be considered taboo, and I haven’t come to this decision lightly. Ever since I made my decision for weight loss surgery, I have asked myself if I would blog about it, or be vocal about it. At first I was adamant that I would keep this bit of information to myself, because I didn’t want to be scrutinized or judged harshly. In the end, I decided that I would write about my decision and my entire process, because it is taboo. I don’t want to stir up controversy by any means, but I hope to be of some help to those who may be considering weight loss surgery, or who have battled with their weight, the way I have.
I know some people consider any form of weight loss surgery to be the “easy way out”. After much research, I have learned that this is not the case. Before I dive into the “whys”, allow me to share how I came to the decision that the weight loss surgery is right for me.
As some of you already know, I was in an awful, horrible marriage for 11 years. I was a survivor and a fighter. I wanted a family that was whole, for my sake and for my kids’. I kept hoping, praying, and counseling for things to improve, but after 11 years of verbal and emotional abuse (among other things), I chose a better life for my kids and me. I didn’t escape without some damage.
Over the last three years of my marriage, my weight crept up, up and up. I have thyroid disease which aids in easy weight gain, and difficulty losing weight, but I never let it stop me. Whenever I gained, I would eat less and move more. I always got my weight back down. However, after 8 years of a living hell, and basically parenting another child who was supposed to be my helpmeet and co-parent, I lost my oomph. I began to turn to cookies and treats to fill my emotional reservoir. I felt worthless and lost my desire to care for me. I would diet here and there, but then I got stuck back in the cycle of abuse and emotional eating. For at least three years, I lost myself, my worth and my zest for life.
I started my blog as a way to help support my family after my ex-husband’s third job-loss. What I didn’t know at the time was that my blog was also setting me up to be able to provide for my kids, from home, without the help or aid of a husband.
So, here I was, 11 years into a heartbreaking relationship, an icky situation to raise children in, and 70 pounds overweight.
The first decision I made to get healthy, was to divorce. This aided in the repair of my emotional health, but also my physical health. It was scary, but I know now that it was absolutely the best decision for me and my kiddos. You can read more about that my divorce, here.
The second decision I made to get healthy was to lose some weight. I immediately joined a weight loss program, which was fairly successful. However, I found that I had just too much weight, and thus started the yo-yo effect. I dropped weight quickly, then gained it right back. Over the course of the next two years, I joined about six different weight loss programs, in addition to trying clean eating and other health-conscious diets. I could lose weight with each one, but I always gained it back.
I couldn’t understand why dieting and exercising wasn’t working the way it had in the past. I gained weight with each of my pregnancies, worked my tail off to lose that weight, and it worked. Why wouldn’t it work now?
Now, two years after my divorce, I find myself in a much healthier place, emotionally. My kids are thriving and doing so well, I met a fantastic man who is my helpmeet, and is the most awesome example and teacher for my kids, and I am happy. The only thing holding me back now is my weight and my health. Everything is falling into place, but this one piece. I deserve my best, my kids deserve my best, and my new husband deserves my best. How on earth can I achieve it?
I started looking at weight loss surgery, and doing research. I even attended a seminar held by one of the surgeons I was looking into. I brought my husband with me for an extra set of ears, and then we did a lot of talking, thinking and praying about the decision.
One key piece of information that stuck out to Keith and me, from the seminar, was that only 3% of people who are 70 pounds or more overweight, can lose that weight and keep it off, on their own. That statistic really struck me because it really made sense with my own self. Many times in my adult life, have I had 50 pounds or less to lose, and I’ve been able to do it. I’d done Weight Watchers, Fit for Life or my own program, and I could get it off. For the first time ever, I made it over 50 pounds overweight, during those last couple of years in my previous marriage. I did it – I hit 70 pounds overweight, and I was STUCK in a vicious cycle. It was so refreshing to hear my surgeon say that only 3% of those people could lose it and keep it off. If you are one of those people, I applaud you! I know it can be done as I’ve seen people do it – but not many.
So I enlisted help. I want to be my best self. I deserve it, and my family deserves it. If surgery will help me achieve that, then so be it. I am so ready for this journey, and I hope you will follow along the way. Tomorrow I have my endoscopy to make sure I’m in the clear for surgery, and then we get to schedule a date! It’s looking like the end of February. Stay tuned!!