Leaving Isn’t the Whole Story: My Life Before and After Leaving Mormonism

I’ve been sitting with this series in my mind for a long time – it’s finally time to start writing.

Before I dive in, I want to acknowledge that the topic of leaving Mormonism comes from a deeply personal place requiring honesty and vulnerability. Leaving the Mormon church was one of the most difficult and transformative experiences of my life. Most of my family and friends still find great purpose and community in the church so my aim is not to attack, but to offer my story. I’ve come to realize healing doesn’t always happen in silence. I’m opening myself up in hope of offering connection and comfort to anyone who is navigating a similar path.

To my family and friends, I respect your right to your faith, just as I ask for the same respect in sharing my perspective. I share my story not to cause pain, but to stand in my truth. I don’t have everything figured out yet, but there is power in sharing even if it’s messy and unfinished.

To everyone else, I recognize this topic is unlike anything I’ve covered on my blog where I’ve shared travel tips, recipes, products for the home and parenting tidbits. While my faith occasionally wove into my writing, I’ve mostly kept religion off of my page. However, the high-demand religion of Mormonism has played a paramount role in my own life and in how I’ve raised my children. I hope you’ll stick around and that you find value in getting a peek into my life inside the Mormon church and what I continue to deal with now that I’ve left. 

Why I’m Writing About Leaving Mormonism

I’ve toyed with the idea of writing about leaving Mormonism for several months, but I wasn’t sure I had the courage – or wanted to risk hurting loved ones who hold the religion so dearly.. The thought of the series kept nagging at me and it felt too important to ignore. There have been many moments that have signaled to me the importance of my decision to leave the church. Some of those moments include: reading the experiences of others who have left and realizing I’m not alone; talking to friends and hearing them point out how far I’ve come; and having a conversation with my kids where I caught myself unlearning something I’d once accepted without question. 

I’ve carried my experiences in the Mormon church—and then in leaving Mormonism—privately for a while now. I didn’t make a public declaration of my departure, whether on social media or to friends and family. I’ve just tried to live my life, and because of some of the changes I’ve made, some people may assume I’m no longer a practicing Latter-day Saint (aka Mormon). I am, after all, living the ex-Mormon experience. I want to create space for honesty, complexity, and connection—especially for those who find themselves in the messy middle of faith, identity, and self-worth.

Life in a High-Demand Religion

First, what is a high-demand religion? High-demand religions, also known as a high-control groups, are religious organizations that exert significant control over its members’ lives. This is done by requiring adherence to doctrines and rules. The religion places demands on its members’ time, behavior and beliefs, as well as requiring financial contributions. Strict rules are enforced, often with spiritual, social, or emotional consequences.. Group loyalty is encouraged over the autonomy of any individual. 

Examples of high-demand religions are: Jehovah’s Witnesses, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints (Mormonism), and Scientology. 

Unfortunately, high-demand religions are often seen as not solely focused on belief, but also on control, conformity, and conditioning. This isn’t to say that all high-demand religions are the same, or that good can’t come from them. However, they do tend to require significant commitments of time, control, or financial contributions. I was born and raised in the Mormon church, and didn’t leave until I turned 40 years old. About six months before my 40th birthday, I realized I might in fact be a part of a high-demand religion. 

For me, church wasn’t just about Sunday attendance – it was life. I learned how to behave, the kind of people I should be friends with, what to look for in a spouse, my roles in and out of the home, morality, and even my relationship with my own body and intuition. There are a lot of really good people in the church and I had a lot of meaningful moments throughout my life. However, the design of the Mormon church taught me that obedience mattered more than authenticity. Most of all, I learned that doubt in the religion was a weakness to be feared. 

What Leaving Mormonism Looks Like

Leaving might look a bit different for everyone. Some leave after being hurt by others. Some for lifestyle reasons. Others, like me, because they no longer believe the doctrine.

Leaving didn’t happen all at once, but was a slow unraveling. I had my first “trial of faith” as members of the church call it, in 2015, when I remarried and requested a cancellation of sealing from my first husband. In a nutshell, I was trying to not be married to my ex-husband for eternity, because he was abusive. I’ll save this full story for another day. Over the years, I had quiet questions or frustrations that I could no longer push down. In 2023, I began to feel the pain of realizing I didn’t choose this life – it was chosen for me before I was born. 

Leaving was one of the most painful things I’ve ever experienced. There is grief that comes with leaving your community and everything you thought you knew about life. The church gave me a map for life, promising that if I followed it fully, everything would be okay. It’s scary to leave that behind, but there is also relief. Relief in knowing I get to rediscover who I am, on my terms. I couldn’t simply shut the door and walk away. My family is still very involved, and I’m continuing to navigate those relationships — some days better than others. I carry with me the impact of leaving the Mormon faith, in my relationships, my decision-making, and my nervous system. Unpacking this impact will take time.

What to Expect Here

This is the first in a series of posts where I’ll go into more of my experience – not to persuade, not to attack, but to tell the truth. I will always aim to be respectful, while being true to my experience. I know everyone’s experience in the church is different, and I honor those whose path within it continues to bring them meaning. I’ll discuss the emotional layers of leaving, the mental rewiring it takes to trust yourself again, and the effects leaving Mormonism has on parenting, marriage, boundaries, and identity. I expect you will see an array of different emotions throughout my writing. You can also expect to see life after Mormonism. 

You’re Not Alone

If your heart is pounding a little because you know this pain, the grief, the hunger for something more real – I see you. If you are in that confusing and scary in-between place of questioning everything, I want you to know: you’re not alone. I am not broken and you are not broken. While leaving was hard and scary, I now see it as a doorway to something more beautiful and whole.

Thanks for being here and listening to this part of my journey. You can read my next post on What I Miss About Mormonism — and Why I Still Left