From Crumpled to Whole in a Year – My Epiphany

It has been far too long since I have written a post just for me. No recipe to be found here (but you can go to my recipe tab if you’d like a yummy one), no sponsored content, no travel tip – just me, writing for me. 

Life has been quite the roller coaster over the past year. A year ago, I never would have guessed that my life would be what it is right now. As I sat on my living room chair yesterday, in my new home, with all of my kids in the next room (where I could see them), and hubby standing in the kitchen getting a snack, I had an epiphany. I have gone from crumpled to whole in a year. Let me share what this means to me.

A year ago, I was in the middle of a divorce. By this point, it had gotten ugly and icky – not to mention the 11 years I had being married to this person. My life was rocky, to say the least. I had gotten the toxic spouse out of my home, but he wasn’t out of my life. They never are if you share kids, but I do believe it can become manageable and even bearable. It’s still a process for me. I had many friends, family, and acquaintances that thought my life must have been grand because of the change, but it was hell. I tried to put on a brave face, but I felt abandoned by almost everyone I thought should care. My parents stepped in to be a stable and calming force in my kids’ lives, to which I am forever grateful. But this also meant I somehow reverted back to being the child, and no longer the grown up. Things were just hard all around. I was miserable.

I was trying to do what was best for my kids, by trying to take care of me (and them). I wasn’t always good at it, but I did make some good choices along the way. Through all of the muck and the different paths I took, I believe there was divine intervention on my behalf, and that of my kids’. I dated my lot of creeps in a short amount of time. I think I was desperate to find love and acceptance, because it had lacked when I needed it most. Then I was led to a mid-singles church group, with adults who were between 30 and 45 years old, and single. I started attending weekly activities, just to gain friends and to have adult conversation. I didn’t plan or even hope to meet a man there, but I did.

To be honest, I was steering clear of those never-married types. I had 4 kids and thought I needed someone who knew what it was like to be a father. Well, the man I fell in love with was 38 and had never been married. I had my hesitations, as did he; because after all, he had 4 kids and a wife to take on! He had more adjustments to make, which I can appreciate. I worried he wouldn’t be able to handle it.

It wasn’t long at all, after our first date, that we knew we had spent all these years being prepped and readied for one another. We both wish we didn’t have to go through all we did just to get one another, but life wasn’t meant to be easy now was it? He was just what my kids and I needed, and we were just what he needed. Now I don’t think it takes a man for a woman to know her worth, but this man has done nothing but try to rebuild me, and my kids. I don’t want to say I’ve gone from crumpled to smooth because I still have my folds and creases – I am nowhere near perfect. However, I can say that I feel whole again. I no longer feel broken, abused, alone, damaged, and the list goes on.

I still have my insecurities, but my husband, Keith (oh yeah – we married in January), works daily to help me rid myself of my insecurities. He encourages and nudges in just the right ways. He accepts me for me, but also has a quiet way of making me desire to be better. He is a calming force in our lives and I can say that my kids have never seemed so at peace, and happy.

Life feels normal for once. To me, normal isn’t perfect and peachy – it’s just normal. It is nice to see what a “normal” fight is like, and not just an irrational one. We have normal arguments and normal nights of watching TV or playing basketball with the kids, but we also have extraordinary. I feel lucky. I don’t think I could have dreamt for the transition to go any smoother for my kids to gain a new step-dad. I catch some of them snuggled up to him some evenings, and it warms my heart. We make a great team. In fact, we’ve just started a second blog together, SheBuysHeBuilds.com. After all, we are the Mr and Mrs Buys now. Feel free to come check out our DIY blog – my husband is a very talented man.

I’m sure there will be many more bumps in the road. Heaven knows we sure have them when it comes to parenting 4 kids! To those of you who feel crumpled right now, hang in there. Take warmth from the sun and from those who love you. There are brighter days ahead. It took me 11 years of darkness to find light and hope. You got this, and you’re not alone!