Funny Things Thoughts by Emily

Hilarious Toilet Review

Written by Emily Buys

I have been stockpiling my Amazon gift cards, in hopes of saving up for something great. I wasn’t sure what I was saving for, but our guest toilet recently broke, so I decided I would start browsing Amazon for a new one. I may or may not use my credits on a toilet, but I wanted to at least price things out.

When I make online purchases, the first thing I do is look at the ratings. I feel it is important to read the reviews of others, to find out what people liked and disliked about the product.

I came across the TOTO MS854114-01 Ultimate Elongated One Piece Toilet, which has a 4.3 star rating. Not bad right? Well, it wasn’t enough to see the rating – I had to know why the rating! I hadn’t heard of TOTO before, so I wanted to be sure I knew what I was in for.

I came across the top review, which is titled: Pooping With the Stars. This review is the funniest I have come across.

“This might look like your ordinary commode, but don’t be fooled. This pot ain’t for the weekend crapper or hobbyist. But if you’re as serious about your bowel movement as I am, then this is the penultimate pooper. I was very unhappy with my TOTO NEXUS GT350 so, understandably, I was a little gun-shy about dropping the coin on TOTO again, but they didn’t disappoint a second time. This rig can take anything you can throw at it. I used to be embarrassed when guests used my restroom after I left something that was unflushable. Maybe I have too much fiber and protein in my diet. Maybe I’m a freak of nature. Either way, those shameful days are behind me. The TOTO Ultimate handles any workload without breaking a sweat. No log too long; no poo too plump. And the comfort? Woooo-EEEEEE. I sometimes find myself sitting on this baby for hours on end. Even as I write this review, I’m sitting atop my TOTO. So comfortable is the seat that I often look forward to the next time I need to “make a big stink.” Sometimes, it is the highlight of my day. During these brief, intimate minutes my TOTO and I become One. The price may be a little higher than your standard bowl, but let’s face it. Aren’t you at your most vulnerable when sitting on the throne? Why would you want anything less than the best?”

Funny, no?

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Emily Buys

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