Thoughts by Emily

Kids and Their Sense Of Entitlement – An Issue With Bullying

Kids And Their Sense of Entitlement – An Issue With Bullying

I have so much work to do, and so many posts to write, but I cannot concentrate until I get this off of my chest. As I just shared on facebook, I just got back from my kids’ school, where I was watching the kids at recess. Last month sometime, I wrote a post about bullying and how fed up with it I am. I decided to start going to the school during recess, since that is where many of the problems seem to occur. Today was the first day I had gone, because we’ve had a lot of rain. While I didn’t see any huge fights break out, I am still disappointed with what I saw. I tell you what though – watching my sweet boys made my heart soften toward them, and my love for them grow even more!

My kids come home from school and tell me about things that happen at school (unhappy things) several times a week. Some of them are minor, and possibly even accidents, such as a kid bumping into them. Then there are issues such as kids telling them they are “stupid” ,or telling them to “shut up”. Then there is some unwarranted physical contact such as pushing, shoving, tripping or hitting. Because I am only hearing one side of the story, I decided that I needed to go up there and watch with my own eyes, so I can learn what things my boys may be doing to bring this behavior on.

I think the younger generations suffer from an increasing epidemic of entitlement and spoiledness.

Today was only a glimpse, but I think I know what the number one problem is, and that is ENTITLEMENT! I think the younger generations suffer from an increasing epidemic of entitlement and spoiledness. In regard to my boys, I think a lot of the problems stem from children seeing other kids with something, and they immediately want it. Once they get it, they don’t know what to do with it, and sometimes even let it go, but because someone else had it – they want it! I’m sorry, but I believe that we as parents CAN and SHOULD do what we can to teach our kids to serve, which helps them think about others instead of themselves. This is one thing we can do to help overcome that sense of entitlement. I think that teachers should also remember that they are educators, which doesn’t just mean teaching math, science and english. While our children are in their care, I would hope that they are trying to teach them to be responsible, capable, and kind human beings – no matter what the subject is.

My boys came over to me a few times during recess, and looked so sad, and it made me sad. A kid bumped into one of the twins, and then felt the need to push him, and it was this kid that bumped into him to begin with!!! Then after playing with a group of kids, they all kind of split up and my twins were playing with a ball, by themselves. They had gotten the ball fair and square, at the beginning of recess. Then some punk kid walks up to one of the twins and straight up took the ball away. My son asked for it back, and when he wouldn’t give it back, my son ran to me with a sad face, and told me what happened. I was proud of my son for not getting aggressive. I told him to go back to the boy and ask for it back, and that if he didn’t give it back, his mom would come over.

I watched as my son nicely asked for the ball back, as this kid just kept turning his back from my boy, and kept walking away while bouncing the ball. Once, my son tried to grab the ball, and it just made the other kid yank it away even harder. I finally walked over and said to the boy, “weren’t the twins playing with that ball?” As soon as I started talking, the kid gave the ball back because HE KNEW it didn’t belong to him. Sheesh!

I know that taking the ball away is not a HUGE deal in the grand scheme of things, but when this happens at nearly every recess, my boys begin to not feel very safe on the playground. Especially when other kids get aggressive over the ball issue. I sat back and watched as the yard duty ladies don’t do anything about these kinds of issues. Kids need to learn that taking things away from other kids is also a form of bullying.

One thing is for sure – I will be up there are recess A LOT MORE, and all of those kids WILL KNOW ME, and they will not want to mess with my kids. I won’t be mean or gruff, but will simply make things right.

As a side note, I am in no way saying that my kids are perfect. I am constantly talking to them about appropriate behaviors, and you better believe that if I ever hear of them stepping out of line, I WILL deal with it! 😉

About the author

Emily Buys

15 Comments

  • I agree that there is a very serious problem with entitlement. As of so far my son has not had this problem in school (he just started this year) and we have taught our children that they can’t just take things. We teach them to share and that they will behave appropriately both at home and when in public.

  • I agree that there is a very serious problem with entitlement. As of so far my son has not had this problem in school (he just started this year) and we have taught our children that they can’t just take things. We teach them to share and that they will behave appropriately both at home and when in public.

  • I hate bullying and I agree with you completely about the entitlement thing. However, (and I’m not sure how old your boys are) I think kids do need to learn how to handle these situations (to certain degree, and with our guidance) on their own in order to build confidence and social skills. If they aren’t able to learn how to work through these uncomfortable situations then what will motivate them later make other uncomfortable decisions?

  • I agree with you Laura, which is why I am going up there so I can see EXACTLY what goes on. I can’t exactly tell my kids how to deal with these situations when I don’t know how they are going down. I only hear one side of the story. They are barely 7, and the youngest/smallest kids in their grade. So while I can, I will give them guidance.

  • That makes me so sad for your boys! I completely agree with you about the entitlement thing, and it absolutely comes from the parenting. My daughter has been having a lot of trouble with her best friend (age 3), because her friend just can not share or be cooperative at all. Her mom was telling me that her parenting philosophy is ‘positive reinforcement only’. Basically, she gets rewarded for doing what she is supposed to do, but when she doesn’t they don’t do anything negative to correct her. She honestly thinks that by constantly rewarding the good behaviour (and really, it’s not good behaviour, but basics like sharing and not hitting, etc.) she will start acting better. And she gives huge rewards for good behaviour! Her reward for going a whole day without hitting or taking something from her sister was a trip to pick out a new toy. It makes me sad because she used to be such a sweet little girl, but is turning in to such a brat now.

  • I commented on your last post regarding bullying because I am dealing with this issue with my 11 year old right now. I had a meeting yesterday with all of his teachers and they essentially told me that HE should change his behavior so the other kids wouldn’t pick on him! They said his “distracting” behaviors, like fidgeting with his ear, drew the other kids’ attention during class so they picked on him. I’m sorry, but to me that’s like telling a minority that if they changed their race they wouldn’t be discriminated against! So the teachers don’t want to deal with the bad kids, they just want the victim to fly under the radar so they can ignore it. My son is considered a troublemaker. I keep telling him to tell the teacher, but what is he supposed to do when the teachers don’t/won’t do anything about it?

  • I’m from lebanon, i like to read everything you write, i like the way you explain problems, thank you.

  • It is so hard when my daughter comes home from school crying or emotional after being called “stupid” or bullied on the playground and around school. I waited months to call the principle which I now realize I shouldn’t have waited that long. I feel for your boys. I know how heartbreaking it can be!

  • First and humbly, We do not have children.
    But your post is so true with the way things are going any more.
    We see it in the stores, as children are rude, and downright mean, and ill mannered. If I did only one of the things we see, my parents would have me in the car so fast and maybe even a sore butt.
    I was raised in a household with 3 younger sisters. None of us “got what we wanted” and we had a rough childhood as part of a single parent house for a while.
    But you hit it right on the head. It seems like the yard guards really can’t do anything because some parent has a lawyer ready to sue over someone making the children mind with manner the parents do not instill.
    Even my nieces and nephews are well mannered as my sisters have the same values we were raised with.
    Thank you for this Emily, as you have instilled hope in our hearts that at least some of today’s parents are awake and not dumbed down by all their selfish gadgets while someone else raises their children.
    Go get em’

  • Playground supervisors have a tough job. I am one of them. Kids need to learn how to cooperate, negotiate, etc. When kids come to me with, “He did this…” etc., I tell them I have faith in them that they can work it out. The playground is where kids LEARN how to socially interact. They need to do that without their parents hanging around and trying to make everything fair for them. Life isn’t fair.

    Kids and teachers don’t always do the right things. Sometimes, they aren’t respectful. The best thing a parent can do for their children is to teach them to honor themselves, to cope with situations wholesomely (be assertive, walk away… We can’t control what happens to us; we can only control the impact it has on us. Kids need to develop a sense of their own internal worth. In that way, they can withstand anything, including bullying.

  • Just read this… and it’s not just the current generation (it was going on even when *I* was in kindergarten and elementary through high school). But you’re dead on in the rational and reasons. Unfortunately you’re also on track with the monitors… and these days it’s even worse as they likely fear being sued by parents should they interfere with ‘their pride and joy who wouldn’t harm a fly” or worse, the parent who replies “why doesn’t YOUR kid stand up for him/herself?” rather than dealing with the real issues.

  • That really irks me. While I agree playground aids have a rough job, the situation is totally unacceptable. EVERY bad thing my kids have ever gone through at school have happened at recess. My reply is ALWAYS where are the aides when this is happening? Just because it is a hard job, doesn’t mean rules shouldn’t be enforced. What is that teaching the bully? What is that teaching the victim? My kids would kill me if I showed up at recess, they are 11and 9. But I applaud you for doing it. I had 1instance of my 9year old getting pushed at recess, he hit his head on the blacktop. The aids didn’t even know it happened. I went directly to the principal and it was handled. However I do think the aides need to do a better job, kids safety is at stake!

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